When Chronic Illness/Disability forces us to question self worth

 

Society has taught everyone to value the next and ourselves based on what they can do and how good they are at doing it. What school they went to, what job they have, how much money they make…Even when you talk to a new person or someone you haven’t seen in a while what do they ask you?

“So what do you do for a living/ what do you do”

You always have to be doing something, or pulling yourself up by the bootstraps to be “successful”.

Often times when you have the type of disability that prevents you from going to work or school   you tend to feel like you have no use because you’re not “doing” anything.

While achieving a degree of some sort or climbing the corporate ladder is great, why does that have to be what makes us a valuable member of the human race?  What about our basic humanity? Our want to love and be loved….To share and receive kindness, to laugh, be wild and feel joy?

Is society that narrow minded to believe only those who hold down a job or have a degree are the only ones to be valued?   I refuse to subscribe to this vicious type of thinking.

A disability can strike anyone at anytime in their life and it has no discrimination on what they “do” or who they are.  I refuse to believe that a person with a high income job has more value than a disabled person who is unable to work we are all just people in the end. No matter how we look, talk, speak, walk, and roll and so on.  

I also refuse to believe that making a certain amount of money or having a certain degree is the only way to be successful or achieve something. If cleaning is hard for you due to pain, fatigue ect. and you figure out a system to be able to clean something by yourself. Or if you have social anxiety and you talked to someone.

That is an achievement. That is a success.  Period.

& don’t you dare minimize that achievement! I find that a lot of people with severe health problems saying that they have “small achievements”   Even when this achievement was something that usually puts them through unimaginable feats of bodily pain or discomfort and/or emotional stress that would make ANYONE who wasn’t used to it drop down to the floor crying. They’ll still say “Oh I did this thing today, it was a small achievement!”

This type of thinking is common & it’s toxic.  It comes from seeing able bodied people not even having to think twice about doing the same activity.

Well guess what, you aren’t able bodied and that is okay. Your different, your body works differently, and you will lead a different life with different achievements and successes than an able-bodied person. The fact you were able to do this “simple” activity while carrying a gatdamn boulder on your back is amazing, it’s an achievement and it shouldn’t be minimized by able-bodied standards.  & the same goes with days you cannot even get out of bed. You are resting, you are taking care of yourself however you can  and your also dealing with the pain of wanting to do something but not being able to and that takes a lot of strength.

Personally, I’ve trained myself to think a certain way whenever I catch myself about to say something was a small achievement. I think about everything I had to fight through & then think to myself…. If a healthy person had to step in my shoes for one day, they probably wouldn’t even THINK about moving & if it was something I modified I think about how exceedingly hard it was to do that the way I used to do it. I think about how much more independent I am because I didn’t let the stress of having chronic illnesses stop me from fighting to have a better life. (& Hell if it does stop you I DON’T blame you! It’s totally natural. )

I always steer clear of viewing myself as weak, or unsuccessful. & I accept that there are just some things you cannot do, and that is just life & it is never shameful to ask for help  or to need someone to be there for you.  A lot of people believe sickness makes you weak but that is only because they are viewing our actions from the outside. They have no idea of the wars we wage on the inside.

(NOT MY PICTURE)

Don’t let internalized ableism make you feel like you are less.