Young & Housebound.- Your not alone.
[Sorry for not having posted for a while, a lot of things have happened between June and March including me being hospitalized a couple times, my health is better since then. FINALLY but I still experience trouble leaving the house]
Tonight I found myself at a very low point, I felt so much sadness and sorrow for many things and one of the top on my list was disability.
I am semi-housebound and I have never been able to work, ever since disability popped into my life (13 years old )I struggled and ultimately failed high school because I was far too sick to regularly attend, I tossed back and forth between traditional and online schooling and trialed accommodation after accommodation. & having chronic migraines meant that working online didn't go very well either.
If I were to describe it in other words, in a sense it feels like driving on the freeway, getting into an accident and sitting on the shoulder while everyone else drives past you and merges onto different pathways with new cars, new routes, new experiences.
Disability appeared very abruptly and completely whacked me off course in life. Trying to pick up the pieces and thrive as well as recover with illness is where I am at currently.
There is just something about being very young when chronic illness hits, about grieving the life you never got to live and wondering if you will ever get to live that life in any sense of the word. I feel a bitterness in me because I never even got to chance to experience what being an abled adult or at least being able to partially join in that world is like. Life after high school is not what I expected it to be at all. & It seemed to be when I truly realized that my life was going to be different because of these illnesses that appeared from thin air. I know that chronic illness in college and at work can still be very difficult and I am not minimizing those experiences but there is just something in me that is so upset that I did not even get to taste the normalcy of traditional adulthood. I can only imagine how that feels for people who were even younger when chronic illness/pain came into their lives or if they were born with it.
I guess all I want to say is, if you never really reached that time in your life when you gain independence due to your chronic illnesses you are not alone, and it is not your fault. You don't need to feel guilt for it because of your abled friends lives. & You don't need to feel like your not trying hard enough because someone else who is sick is able to do more or like your doing something wrong because you never got to the point of being able to join in certain activities. It is okay if you can't do a sit down job and if you can't do an online job and/or have not had any luck finding one.( the remote work market is rather narrow and does not have a whole lot of opportunities for entry level work)
Everyone has different circumstances, I hope and pray that your time comes and that if it doesn't you find fulfillment, acceptance, support, and some sense of comfort in your life.
Tonight I found myself at a very low point, I felt so much sadness and sorrow for many things and one of the top on my list was disability.
I am semi-housebound and I have never been able to work, ever since disability popped into my life (13 years old )I struggled and ultimately failed high school because I was far too sick to regularly attend, I tossed back and forth between traditional and online schooling and trialed accommodation after accommodation. & having chronic migraines meant that working online didn't go very well either.
If I were to describe it in other words, in a sense it feels like driving on the freeway, getting into an accident and sitting on the shoulder while everyone else drives past you and merges onto different pathways with new cars, new routes, new experiences.
Disability appeared very abruptly and completely whacked me off course in life. Trying to pick up the pieces and thrive as well as recover with illness is where I am at currently.
There is just something about being very young when chronic illness hits, about grieving the life you never got to live and wondering if you will ever get to live that life in any sense of the word. I feel a bitterness in me because I never even got to chance to experience what being an abled adult or at least being able to partially join in that world is like. Life after high school is not what I expected it to be at all. & It seemed to be when I truly realized that my life was going to be different because of these illnesses that appeared from thin air. I know that chronic illness in college and at work can still be very difficult and I am not minimizing those experiences but there is just something in me that is so upset that I did not even get to taste the normalcy of traditional adulthood. I can only imagine how that feels for people who were even younger when chronic illness/pain came into their lives or if they were born with it.
I guess all I want to say is, if you never really reached that time in your life when you gain independence due to your chronic illnesses you are not alone, and it is not your fault. You don't need to feel guilt for it because of your abled friends lives. & You don't need to feel like your not trying hard enough because someone else who is sick is able to do more or like your doing something wrong because you never got to the point of being able to join in certain activities. It is okay if you can't do a sit down job and if you can't do an online job and/or have not had any luck finding one.( the remote work market is rather narrow and does not have a whole lot of opportunities for entry level work)
Everyone has different circumstances, I hope and pray that your time comes and that if it doesn't you find fulfillment, acceptance, support, and some sense of comfort in your life.
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